August: Osage County

To say that August changed my life or to simply say it was the best show i have ever seen in my entire life is a staggering understatement.  I just finished writing a paper about the show, and my mind is still racing from my thoughts.  This in my opinion was one of the single most incredible achievements on stage in the past 100 years.  Something elusive, ephemeral and beautiful happens on that stage every night.  William today asked us a question that we should always ask about a performance, and it was, 'Why is this performance being performed?'  I really struggled with this, because he said to get past all the feel good crap that comes to mind when asking this question such as, that the acting was crafted well, and that the performance speaks to us about family and all that self fulfilling rhetoric that a fifth grader can churn out.  I was frustrated because I could not come up with an answer better than a fifth grader's.  Than it hit me.  Here is the last paragraph of my paper.  I put it here because I am proud that somehow this came out of me.  I feel that the past couple days were such a rollercoaster of revelatory epiphanies.

'This play embodies Shakespeare's quote, 'All the world's a stage.'  This performance would go on whether we watched it or not, that reality on stage is theatricality, that reality confronted on stage generates truth.  Demons and challenges are faced everyday both on and off stage, and I think the performance was a stand for truth.  Truth vs. Reality.  Experience and action conquers ignorance and complacency and elicits response.  This is the reason for this play and this performance and for theater.'

Trepidation of the Real World

11:00 Yesterday morning I met Don Birge, the head of Stewart Casting, and asked him a bunch of questions about the business.  It was nerve wracking.

1:30 Yesterday I met Paul Michael, head of The Netw

ork NYC.  One of the most incredible meetings of my life.  We discussed race and theater, commercial work, film and tv, and theater as well as musicals.  I felt a comfort knowing that good people want the best from young actors, and want us to succeed.  I felt proud to be an asian- american and proud to be who i am.  I also auditioned for him and he gave me nothing but great critiques.  He took my resume and said he would love to have me during the winter intercession.  He also said that it would be not a problem for me to get musical theater work.  It was such a life changing meeting.  I feel empowered and strong and capable and vital.  Then I saw August:  Osage County.  That show deserves its own post.

A Picture Journey Through Coney Island:

Subway to Brooklyn

Train moving through water

Slow motion on the track

Time for the beach

Hey there's my name

Billboard in lights

... Close enough

Beach of broken glass

Hidden fears hypodermic needles

Only in my mind

Keep the sandals on just in case

Shoot the freak

Ride the Cyclone

Puke on the Juke Box

Take pictures with trash cans

Take pictures with girls next door

Take pictures of lost dignity

Eyes

Open the door to your soul

Said the man in the habit

Repent your passion and fervor

Revoke your spirit and dreams

Renounce your words and rights

Surrender your past present and future

Succumb to the perceived freedom

Stop your blasphemy

Her eyes are her passion and fervor

Her spirit and dreams

They speak her words and rights

Her eyes show her past present and future

She won't surrender

She won't succumb

She won't stop

You just won't listen

The Bacchae

Yes that is Alan Cummings in a dress.

Yes the show was just as tragic as that lady's face in the back right of the picture.

so disappointing.  

I didn't know what i was watching.  First it was cirque de soleil, then it was rent, then it was dreamgirls, then it was cabaret, then it was just bad technique and winded chubby black women trying to dance bad choreography.  Oh and then they literally tried to blind us all. 

It was a tragedy, but not of the greek kind.

It gave me hope though knowing that if they can perform on the Lincoln Center's Rose Theater Stage, then literally, and I mean quite literally, anyone can.

Midnight Snacks

Midnight snacks

Cause heart attacks

But sugars and flours

in the very late hours

And Chicken Ramen

Cashews and Almonds

Are best to taste

when sunlight abates

November

November was everything that you could ever want and hope for from a broadway show.  The actors were true tour de forces in their craft, with stand out performances from all five actors.  (Personal favorites included Laurie Metcalf and Nathan Lane)  The show's energy and commitment truly invigorated me as a young actor and instilled a true yearning to make a pact with myself that I will in my life taste at least a small morsel of what was achieved on that stage.  

What happened in silence was just as riveting as the written words that were spoken by true talents.  Nathan Lane was such a force of nature on stage.  It revealed to me what happens when someone follows and does exactly what they were meant to do in life.  Nathan Lane was meant to be on that stage delivering those words.  Never have I seen an instantaneous standing ovation, and never had I truly heard thunderous applause that shook the theater like I saw that day.

See this show.  

A Weekend Trip

I took the Red Line to 42nd and 7th, took the 7 to 42nd and Park.  Emerged from the darkness into Grand Central Terminal, one of the most beautiful hubs of travel.  Grand Central Terminal is a nexus of trains going to and from New York City, people rushing from gate to gate, or enjoying the amenities of the station.  Beautiful architecture and design, as well as clean trains pleasantly surprised me.  

I got on the 18 train and rode the hour train ride to Fairfield, Connecticut.  As I left the city and passed through Harlem I marveled at how much character the buildings had, as if I could sense the years of history in the brick and mortar of the structures.  As I passed into Connecticut, the shock of nature literally stole my breath.  As I drank in the sight of the flora and foliage I realized the lightheadedness of not having enough oxygen.  

Connecticut is a different way of life.  Boasting one of the largest woodland areas, it takes 15-20 minutes of driving through the unspoiled terrain to get to the grocery store.  3 of the 10 highest per capita cities are located in the same county as Todd's, and so interspersed sporadically throughout the landscape of untouched nature were sprawling pieces of property with dauntingly large living spaces.  I would say houses, but they were much more than that.  

Penny, Chip, and Molly;  the Loesch family's three dogs.  It was a comfort to be in a place so warm and welcome, that had a taste of familiarity.  A taste of the Outback and homemade lasagna may have helped :).  

Getting on the train back to New York City, I expected to dread the darkness as we pulled into the station and the hot stifling air due to poor circulation in the annals of the station, but I felt an excitement, and a welcoming, as if the city were to say, 'welcome back.'  Could I call this strange vibrant city 'home?'  

As I walked from the subway station back to the apartment, I know that I can at least call it 'friend.'

Break the Dawn

Look fly look pretty

sexy dress so itty bitty

walk and strut into the club

order drinks that cost too much

Move your body fast and slow

know just when it's apropos

To one two step or groove and jive

feel the noise its amplified

don't go before this night's foregone

we dance and reach we break the dawn

Kicking a Dead Horse

Kicking a Dead Horse was one of the most disappointing theater experiences I have had in a long time. 

This show is like the child of two gold medal Olympic track athletes.  However, sometime during the second trimester, the child develops a heart murmur that ends up becoming a congenital heart disease along with undeveloped lungs and a bone marrow deficiency. The Gold medal olympian parents, being gold medal olympians, force their congenital heart diseased child into track anyways, and each race he runs ends in wheezing, coughing, light headedness, and a sputtering choking limp to the finish.  

Sam Shepard has written many incredible works, and the actor at the helm of the show is a Tony Award winner and Academy Award nominee.  To say I had high hopes for this show is somewhat of an understatement.  

The staging and stage concept were extremely weak, the acting was sloppy and disappointing, and the arc and writing were confusing and inconsistent.  I found it hard to discuss simply the play because the viewing process was so muddled by the production's shortcomings.  

Although only 70 minutes, I found myself drifting off, longing to join the snores that I heard behind me and in front of me.  Thank God for decorum.

However, I feel I am doing exactly what the title states:  criticizing a work that has already been lashed by critics and other patrons.  Time to stop kicking a dead horse.

Chinatown

You want Chanel?

You want Louis Vuitton?

Yes 

To hidden doors

Turning walls and deadbolts

Black painted steel grates

Leading to four flights of dilapidated stairs

Are we there yet?

Locked in rooms lined with purses

As Chinese women check their watches

Cell phones doubling as walkie talkies

Walkie talkies doubling as cell phones

'They Look Fake'

'This is real leather straight from Factory.'

'$85'

'$30'

'$50'

'$35'

'$40'

'$35'

'$38'

Money exchanged... No, money hustled

Things I learned:  

Asian women TERRIFY me.  

Things I got:

a pair of sunglasses, and an experience I will never forget.

Hope Unity Acceptance

Words

Just words

from the mouths of the elite

to the minds of the sheep

on their way to slaughter

sedated by flashing lights and famous faces

I have a dream said a great man

a great man

but still just a man

What would the world be like

if hope unity and acceptance

were more than words

verbatim

hypnosis, by rote-ness, 

cover your mouth you got halitosis

not bad breath but bad words

evil by inaction 

muscles atrophy as we watch reality tv

it's so easy to turn off your mind

to change the channel 

when things get uncomfortable

when 2 million stand

when 2 million fight

when 2 million make their voice heard

when 2 million laugh and dance

when 2 million are silent 

sometimes silence speaks 

louder than words

51 years.  

unable to claim what's rightfully theirs

second class citizens

sit on needles and pins

i couldn't keep the tears from staining my lime green shirt

i will remember this day for the rest of my days.

Avenue Q

I saw Avenue Q Saturday night, and began to debate whether any show on broadway is worth the money paid for it.  Why are tickets oh so very expensive?  Instead of relishing a show, and enjoying it because of the money I spent on a ticket, I instead have a sinking ticket every time my ticket is scanned or collected or torn.  Maybe I feel this way because Broadway has grown to become an upper class luxury.  Broadway is the Chanel of theater, and right now all I can afford is Old Navy.  Or maybe it is because I am really unconsciously egocentric and feel like I could sometimes do a better job then some of the performers on stage.  

Earlier that day, Jordan Schildcrout came to our apartment and discussed with us Top Girls and Gypsy.  He summed up the experience very succinctly with one of his final thoughts:  'This is what theater people do for fun.  We see a show, and we want to talk about it, we want to discuss our feelings and thoughts about what we just saw because we are critical individuals, and artists ourselves.'  He also brought Rugula.  They were delicious.   Rugula is something between a pastry and a cookie.  It is a thin dough that is rolled with various fillings (Ex: nuts, berries, and my favorite, chocolate!)

I got $60.00 seats for Avenue Q from the TKTS booth six rows from the stage.  The performances were quirky and smart.  Standouts were Christmas Eve, Princeton, and Kate Monster.  Two of the performers had been there since the off-broadway performances and you could definitely tell (not in a good way).  I was disappointed in Brian in that I felt that he phoned it in every time he was on stage, and actually wished I had seats further back so I didn't have to see how lazy his performance was.  

I do however think that Avenue Q really tazored the Broadway industry five years ago with its crass and brash yet witty and sometimes poignant writing.  The metatheatricality of the show, in that you always see the puppeteers on stage (they are the ones singing and maneuvering the puppets), really allows you to listen to the songs and how ingenious and biting they are.  I could really see myself doing a show like this in the future.  

Funny story:  Afterwards, Stacey and I waited outside the stage door because I wanted to meet Christmas Eve, and we wait outside for like fifteen minutes, and the doors open, and Morgan Freeman walks out.  That was the first time I have ever been really in awe of a performer who has done so much in his career.  We then continue to wait for the performers from Avenue Q, and then Peter Gallagher walks out.  So long story short, we never saw the cast of Avenue Q, but we saw two famous actors instead.  It was a trade- off we were willing to make that night.

Rain

Pouring Down

Sheets of Water

Forty Days and Nights

In one hour.  Where's Noah's

Boat Ride when you need it?

Three days Later my socks

Are still wet.  Trudging

Through lakes and

Streams for

Home

GYPSY

Patti Lupone changed my life tonight.  I don't think a show stopping performance like the one I saw tonight will ever influence me like the way it did tonight.  Very few performances come to mind when I think of the quintessential moment where the glimmer of something exquisite and truly special happens.  Watching the final moments of the final number was like watching a miracle take place, or touching something other-worldly.  My goosebumps had goosebumps.  I felt a triumph, a heartbreaking gut wrenching war cry triumph, broken but still rebellious with every fiber of her being she sang.  She pleaded, she succeeded and dared, she yearned and took, she gave, and gave, and gave until I found myself on my feet.  the applause was thunderous.  

in the words of stage beauty:

'please, there is still one more scene.'

Ponder

Upright Citizens riding planes

meetings about women's rights complex and contrite

Jokes both funny and not

Is a joke still a joke if no one laughs?

webster's dictionary:  something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement

so i guess the answer is no.  

A Poem:

We've started wars

been killing scores 

but in the school systems children snore 

don't give a damn no more, 

just kissin' girls and bein' whores.  

anesthetized 

while we fantasize about celebrities 

living in their dreams.  

Can we create instead of depricate and depreciate 

our brothers and mothers, our sisters, 

solve problems with words not pistols.  

Plant flowers not lies

Sow seeds of sweet dreams

of hard fought rights 

lost and stolen in the night

by those who don't understand

or don't care to understand

blinded by the pinhole of light through which they see the world

Don't wait for an eclipse to stop and stare.

Subway Troubles

Down into the underground

puddles of sludge like muddy green milk

what a cow that must have been

12:01.

Last train Uptown leaves at 12:00.

Must go down to go up.  

three hours in a labyrinth of tunnels

Rats scrutinize me, escaping into holes like puzzle pieces

No service, no concierge

I can hear the minotaur breathing

Disguised as a sheep

but really a man

I crawl through the maze 

caverns of filth and rust stained granite

Breathe.  Experience.  Learn.

Call me Theseus.

Top Girls

Saw Top Girls last night on Broadway (also saw Tina Fey!  Besides us, she was the youngest person in the audience, so no one recognized her except us!)  I thought the show was brilliant.  The actors really showcased what craft goes into creating a role.  The roles of Angie/Pope and Marlene, as well as Kit the young girl were personal stand outs, showcasing how to craft based on utilizing your Voice, Movement, and Acting skills.  The impediment work with Angie was impeccable.  One critique I have is that technique somewhat muddled Joyce's performance. (She also played the Scottish traveler) in that her dialects were so perfect that it was too difficult to understand her.  I hope all other shows we see here are as good as this one.  

A Laundry List of Things that Happened Yesterday:

Two NY Style Pizza Slices, Kirsten Dunst in a 70's movie, heels almost breaking, Starbucks bathroom waits, waits for the tour bus, waits for the tour boat, waits for the tickets in line, waits for the subway, waits waits waits.  Penne and Vodka sauce, Oh no we missed So You Think you Can Dance!

Nose Adventures

I thought i would get used to the smells

of hot garbage and vent steam

of unwashed bodies and tattered clothes

of dirty mouths with teeth resembling a carved pumpkin's

of the thickness in the air, the smell of asphalt and gravel, dirt and grit

I can't wait to smell again

the aromas of the street vendors

skewers of cooked meat, plump greasy hot dogs, sugar coated almonds and pecans

the perfume of cultures

indian curries, korean bibimbop, juicy hamburgers, and fresh baked goods

the cool night air that finally lets me breathe deeply, inhale the dark cool shadows

for every smell that turns my insides, there is a new aroma, an exotic potpourri that my nose craves to discover again.  

And So It Goes

NYC trip has begun.

Cars, trucks, busses,

roaring past, no heed for toes or puddles

where are you going?  

Down into the underbelly of the city

taste the thick air, the hot limestone 

stop breathing my air

bump on the tracks, numbers etched in tile,

14, 23, 34 

is it ok to breathe again?

cheeseburger, steak fries with a side of ranch

you must feed the mind as well as the body

talk to loved ones about time ticking too slowly

but quickly at the same time

lying

in the dark

belly down, face buried in pillows

retainers reconstructing teeth

maybe i'll look better tomorrow

maybe not